Warrior

Today i went to CCF, and we had a special joint program with the Laurier ccf, campus for christ, etc. It was such a a powerful night, and i must say that it was worth my 4 hours.

So we walked over to Laurier (which is literally down the street) in the rain and cold as a group, so i got a little annoyed. BTW, this is like midterm season, so i've been pretty busy lately. The material that i have to cover isnt hard.. it's just the fact that it's a test/midterm. Anyway, that's besides my point. Today's program was a praise and prayer, and we sang 4 songs for liek 45 minutes. It was good, but it got kinda tiring after. haha. But the message was really interesting. So the pastor was talking about we being warriors, fighting as part of God's army (it was from isiah 13 or something) He continued to go on about how we always tend to take things into our control and make it OUR war, instead of God's. Sometimes we think that we're doing God a favour when we serve Him, when in fact God doesn't NEED us to do anything FOR him, he wants us to serve him out of our own hearts. It really hit me when he started talking about serving God with our own strength. When that happens, we usually get burned out quickly and have no passion for His people. But if we are lead every step by Him we will not grow faint. I'm ognna be totally honest and "transparent' (he used this term a lot) with you guys. There was a few periods of time when i really felt that i was going to fellowship out of obligation and duty. I think i was too self righteous at those times, thinking that i NEED to be there. Yeah, i made it more into a 'what i need to do' thing instead of what "God can do through me" thing. The second point he made was on how we THINK we need to reach a certain level of "christianity/holiness" before we can serve God. This got me thinking to VBS when we encouraged the kids to serve. That was a good week, guys. :) You guys need to do it again! hahahah.

Anyway, another thing that they kept saying was "Why are you here?" Not, why do you go to UW or Laurier, nor, why are you on Earth. But why are you HERE, tonight, at fellowship. I guess this is a really different experience than at home. It's so much easier to just skip fellowship here, because there's really no one taking attendance. The fellowship is so big, no one really notices if you miss a week or two. It really takes self discipline to get out of my room and walk over to fellowship with brothers and sisters. For too long, it's been 'if i dont go, Tina's gonna bother me about it' or, ' i need to go cause i need to do devo sharing/worship'. This is about my relationship with God and the family he's put me in here in waterloo. I think that God lead me out here away from home and church was to show me who i need to be and who he really is to me. He doesnt need my half-hearted service, and he definately doesnt want it. He wants me to realize that i have no one else here besides him to provide for me. It was a very humbling experience today to see all these leaders and pastors servning our God with 100% while i think i had it all figured out with my half hearted service. It's not like i can cheat God... haha. It's good to step down and be the one listening rather than speaking. I feel so inadequate now. hahaha. I'm learning.

So i've really lost my point, but today was a very powerful night for me. I swear the whole room was tearing cause the Holy Spirit was just working in and over us, as individuals and as a family. It wasnt emotional because it was more than that. I realy like this quote from gladiator that they kept repeated today. "May what we do in life echo in eternity" We're put here to do something, and i dont want my name to be passed on into eternity as one that served God half-heartedly.


more to come
--amy.