Okay, so no blogs yet... a bit disappointing. but here's mine.
Today I think I experienced something that bothered me a lot. Y'know, it's one of those things that really isn't a big deal, but to me personally, I was upset. I dont know if you've been wrongly accused for something that you didn't do, but I suppose that's what happened to me. Well, so during lunch I was counting money for the music council, since we just did a huge chocolate fundraising event. So i was counting with my teacher and two other students. And we just so happened to run over lunch and I got to class 5 minutes late.. during DEAR. I didnt ask my teacher for a note cause it's just 5 minutes, right, whatever. But noo, my physics teacher was being... extremely unpleasent, and demanded a detention for 50 minutes.. (10 times the length i was late) So fine, whatever, right, I'll take it. It's just detention. But at that time, I felt so.. disturbed, i guess. Honestly, okay, i was late, but 10 times? c'mon. that's just ridiculous. the school policy is to stay for however long you were late for, maxmum double the time...So I tell her, I was doing music council stuffs, i'll ask my supervising teacher to write a note explaining my tardiness. But no, she's like "oh, no. i dont want a note. im tired of your excuses and crap." I think at that point I kinda.. y'know. reached my max "pissed"-ness. So I just sat down and did nothing for the rest of the class. We're not even learning.. we're having presentations. I honestly dont see her reason in being so mean. then near the end of class, she comes to me and says "oh, i just spoke to mr lum (music head), he said there was no reason for you to have been late." and im like "dude, i wasnt WITH mr lum. did you talk to mr church? (the one i was with)" and by this time i'm pretty much yelling.. well, not yelling, more like. rising my voice. and she's like "i don tneed to talk to mr church. i talked to lum already." and that's just ridiculous. lum wasnt even around during lunch. blah blah blah, the story goes on. And something that i hate about myself is that i cry very easily, even if i'm not at fault. So i started crying during class. The class was just doing "class work", so i just kept on sitting there. I wasn't exactly angry.. but when she accused me of missing 5 MINUTES of class because "i just wanted to" was just bs. (please excuse my language) anyway, so by that time i was supposed to go do a bio contest, so i just walk out. i couldnt take it.. what was i supposed to say when she didnt even try to listen? so i left. and did the contest.. which i probably failed. but yeah, so then afterschool i went to my detention. I knew it wasnt gonna be 50 minutes; she wouldnt bother to stay that long. So whatever, i went there to do math homework. The worst part of this was that she brought in mr lum to give me another lecture. Talk about fun. He starts talking about the council's reputation being more important and how people have abused their rights as council members to miss classes, blah blah blah. and how "maybe you guys just want more time afterlunch to hand out (talking to me and my boyfriend) but you gotta go to class on time." and ......... by then i just totally shut him out. DUDE, DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON. he comes in and starts talkign about crap when he doesnt even know the situation. perhaps he was trying to apologize for his "misunderstaning" that i was with mr church at lunch, but it sure felt like he was just trying to save his own rep and justified himself. I'm sure he said more, but i cant remember it. So we got let out like.. 30 minutes after, but seriously.. i dont see a point in it.
I still dont know what i did wrong.. and honeslty, i dont think i did. if they had to put a blame on me, maybe is hould've asked for a note. but what good would that have done, since it was an "excuse" anyway? I felt that i was just caught inbetween two people who had a crappy day. but whatever. I still dont see why i was "punished" for doing stuffs during lunch.. for the council. So then afterschool, i spent a while talking to my friends.. who were totally on my side and such, but there was no point in talking about it anymore, it's done. and lum comes and goes like "do you need to talk about this?".. what can i talk about? you already judged me by "what happened". I guess my reason for being so upset is that.. well, they were attacking my .. character. They thought that i went to class late because i a) just didnt feel like it, b) wanted to spend time with my boyfriend (which was ridiculous, i wasnt even with him =.=) and c) that i do this often. Honestly.. i dont even skip class, if i really didnt wanna go to class, why would i have gone after 5minutes? and i've never "abused" the council title for my own gain.. it's easy to, but i haven't, yet.
So as i was.. just thinking this over, i remembered what we watched last week about forgiveness. He said somethign about forgiveness is actually for the forgiving, not the ones being forgiven. Well, I dont know whether or not i forgave them.. cause i still cant let it go. But i guess that's also part of who i am.. i need to be right. and ... well, i still dont see any bit in how i was wrong. And if i do forgive them eventually, since forgivness is an action, am i gonna go up to my teachers and tell them i forgive them? that's kinda awkward.. isnt it? So then after all this, i was thinking a) maybe i should drop the course RIGHT NOW and never go back. i don tneed it anyway. b) quitting the council just to show them how much work i do, and how much they need me. But well, those solutions don't work. It wont do anyone any good. and so then this verse popped in my head, i don tknow where it is.. somewhere in the gospels, i think. it goes something liek this. "it is the Lord's to avenge" and something like "leave room for God's wrath" I dont really know if it relates, but i guess, God's got this down. And i felt quite peaceful knowing that God knows.. and really, why do i care so much about this? Well, i dont know. But it still annoys me. Perhaps i'll get some insight as the days pass.
more to come,
-a.
*oh, i tried writing formally, but my "anger" took over and so i just kept typing and forgot all my grammar. haha
since i started being a stalker for this blog, this is possibly the longest post... a bit too long to be a blog...
ReplyDeletefyi, here the passage comes from Romans 12:19. I copied and pasted the verse before and after, so we get the context.
17Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"[d]says the Lord. 20On the contrary:
"If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."[e] 21Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Do not become evil, just because they mistreat you in anyway. For God knows who is right and who is wrong. Love them for who they are. It is hard, sometimes unbearable, but God will be around.
Looking at this matter from a neutral perspective, I do see some hidden anger here. I will be fair, but blunt, on this issue.
1. based on physics teacher's comments, it is not your first time being late. Be it 5 minutes, 2 minutes or 1 minute. Whether what she said is true or not, to a fellow presenter (u guys r doing presentations right?), it is probably a good idea to be there on time, so then presentation is not interrupted, even if the presentation is about to start. Similar to going to fellowship, let say, if you give respect to your fellowship family members (it's just the way i call them), you would probably be there on time, or even arrive early.
2. is mr. lum the head of the musical council? i assume it is. did mr. church get any permission from mr. lum to keep u guys from going to class on time? as important as extra-curricular activities are, they are still extra-curricular activities. they are in no position to replace, or interfere with your classes.
3. the physics teacher obviously is trying to tie up her personal feelings with this issue, making it a bigger deal than it should be. detention for HS is just... a bit too much
4. no need to quit, or even thinking of quitting the musical council. do your best in everything, and honour the opportunity that God has given you. if you are as good as you think you are, people will see it. your physics teacher can say anything about you, but if it's proven false, she is the one who looks stupid. not you. there r things like these happening all over the place, you just got a small taste of it.
5. no need to drop the course either, physics is useful. learn to cope with difficult personalities
6. let your emotions cool down, go take a nap, a shower, chit-chat with bf, more chit-chat with bf, watch some tv, pray, maybe pray a bit more, do something relaxing, then re-think this situation over again.
this is a good learning experience, hard to swallow, give it a bit more time to digest. :)
wow. i guess a long post requires a long comment. but yeah, it's good. :)
ReplyDeleteSo as followup... mr lum talked to my physics teacher, and "things are sorted out" but i "need to find it in my heart to talk to her because if not things will never get resolved."
and the thing is, everytime i've been late, i've had a legit reason and a note. and this is just dear (drop everything and read) but whatever. it's over. im done with this:)
-a.