Two truths and a lie

Two truths and a lie about university:

1. It is almost impossible to keep your scholarship
   
2. You will face more challenges about your faith now than in high school
   
3. You can't run away from math

Well, it's difficult to keep your scholarship, but it's definitely do-able; therefore, it's not impossible. Unfortunately, I didn't believe people when they told me I couldn't run away from math- so that's no lie. So that leaves #2 as a truth. I kept hearing people say that in university, there would be many more challenges to and about your faith. I didn't believe that there could be THAT much, but as you can (hopefully) see from my previous blogs, I ran into more challenges than I would've originally thought.

It took some getting used to...knowing what to say when people asked me about my faith and when they had questions. I think that kept me going because in a way, I felt as though I NEEDED to know the basics and facts of the Bible in order to answer people validly. Situation wise, I'm still trying to find a good balance between doing what I know is right and not being a hermit. Just a vague summary because I don't wanna ramble like I tend to do: ohh my goodness, all of this really gave me some spiritual awakening. I'm used to being in a Christian-y environment with the majority of people that I know as Christians. University? Not so much so. At all. One of the things I struggled with most was being a Christian and trying to gently outreach, but not being one of "those Christians that shove religion down your throat" as many people have said to me. I feel like this year was a stepping stone for me. When given the opportunity, I usually took it and tried to mention my faith to people. It was small, and in the end, I felt like it didn't do much, but I do feel like it prepared me for doing more. This is just a beginning.

On another note, I was walking along the Rideau Canal the other day during sunset. It was so lovely. At one point where I reached a wider stretch where you could see the sun setting along the skyline, I just stopped and paused to look at the beauty. I looked around, and there were trees abloom and ducks and groundhogs and stuff. It was so peaceful and wonderful just to notice God's creation. I'm not quite sure what I was feeling- it was kind of like, I took notice of the little intricate things of His creation, and it made me remember that I'm a part of His plan and that I'm not just going on aimlessly. The past two weeks have been insane. I've been trying to decide whether or not to stay in Ottawa for the summer because of jobs that I potentially got. I had almost no time to decide before moving out of rez. I had to find someone to move me out and where to move. In the end, I kept praying for guidance and a clear sign- that I've been trying to take all this into my hands, but I couldn't do anything else so I wanted to give my worries to God. It's just been really eye-opening to me. I felt like for a while now, it's been one-sided. With me just asking and expecting to receive, but at the same time, I still wanted control of my life. I'm not proud that it takes desperate situations for me to come to a realization, but better late and occassionally than never, I suppose. That's kind of the feeling and cycle that I got throughout the year. Wanting control; letting go; asking and expecting an answer...stuff like that.

This year has just been so amazing in all I've experienced and despite my struggles, I think that as a whole, I became closer to God. My experiences weren't as mundane and sure, I got into some trouble, but the harder I fell, the closer I wanted to get to God again. I'm thankful and I love God for walking with me through this year.